Being a woman that has come from two failed marriages, I can speak about my experience and how I perceive why people stay in bad relationships. As always, this is subjective and not an objective area as there are no models to show proof. Each person has their own opinions and views.
My first marriage I entered into as a teenager, fresh out of nursing school, still learning, and not knowing any better. I was in that relationship because I was young and naïve. I grew up in an Irish Catholic home, sheltered country life, being raised by two very devote parents. I was not around a lot of society functions so to speak to see how all this works. As my mother puts it, “You were not schooled in the ways of the World”. But as for my husband, Of course I loved him. That’s one of the reasons I stayed. But I also did not know any better. I was raised in the Old fashioned ways. I was taught that you get married for life, for better or worse. You deal with what hand you are dealt. So, I stayed with him. I dealt with his abuse and tried to work through it. I left at one point and moved home with my parents. He promised never to hurt me again, told me he loved me, swore he would change. Because I loved him, I believed all the lies and went back to him. It started all over again, a vicious cycle. This finally ended when I had a phone cord wrapped around my neck and glass shattered over my body. Something finally clicked in my head that day. And I did leave him. I got that divorce.
My second marriage started as a friendship. It started out well, as I had more experience now from my past mistake. We dated back and forth for a while, that being 6 years before he asked me to marry him. I mean, the relationship had its ups and downs, like every relationship. You have disagreements over little things like what to watch on TV or what to make for dinner.
Things didn’t start going sour until we were married. Again, I loved him. But this time I was not young or naïve. But we have a child involved in this marriage. And again, I always put my daughter first. Not wanting her to be without a mom and dad, as I grew up with both my parents for my entire childhood, I felt like I would be an ogre to deprive her.
It was unbearable. I did the best I could and even tried to leave. I actually separated from him 3 times before we finally got divorced. Each time he would tell me the same thing. I’m sorry. Come home, I love you, things will be different , How can you do this to our daughter and make her live in a home without both parents. You can get the picture here?? I got a major guilt trip placed on me and I felt like a major failure as a mother and a wife if I left and filed for a divorce. I had to come to terms with those feelings he left me with in order to move on and leave that bad relationship.
I am now divorced. I am in a better place mentally and emotionally because of this. My daughter is doing just fine with two parents who have separate lives but who love her dearly. And perhaps I have learned to avoid getting into another bad relationship again. But if it should happen, I hope I have learned enough through my past mistakes and experience to run from it faster this time.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The Night Her Life Crashed And Burned
OK…so..my life crashed and burned last nite..ran 100 mph and hit a brick wall and splintered into a million tiny pieces..I didn’t know I was on the ride..or I would have worn a seat belt..a helmet..a bullet proof vest..something to protect myself..anything..DO THEY GIVE OUT WARNINGS? DRAMA AHEAD? STOP! Man..well..I got no warning last night..and I’m gonna tell my story...
I was on my way back from Vegas..It was a personal trip..to figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life..and I did just that..I made my plans..I knew by the end of my 7 days…that I was going to take the steps to start my new life..but that is another story in itself….I was on my way home..I was at the airport..and we sat on the runway..waiting for a flight to take off..we sat and waited..of course..it did not take off when it was supposed to. I should have known that would be an omen of things to come…
So, After sitting on the runway when the flight was supposed to take off at 1:55pm, we finally took off at 2:30pm. It was a very full plane and I was in the back of the plane. I was in a row with a woman that was very anxious and panicked with every bump of turbulence. I kept thinking, Please God grant me patience on this 3 hr and 18 min flight as I will probably develop an anxiety disorder by the time the flight is over.
Well, 30 minutes into the flight, one of the female passengers several rows ahead of me took ill and went down in the aisle, prompting us to start medical treatment on board, this continued the entire flight requiring all of the flight attendants to be utilized and a lot of the passengers in that immediate area had to vacate their seats. Thankfully we did have a doctor on board and we were able to get her stabilized and ready for the paramedics who met us at the runway when we landed. This of course held us all up as we could not disembark the plane until they got her off.
We now have a full plane of angry people complaining that they are going to miss their flights and are fighting to get off the plane. Needless to say, our arrival time was not 9:45pm as was supposed to be, but we did not arrive in Detroit until 9:20pm and by the time the paramedics were done I was not able to get off the plane until 9:33pm. My connecting flight home was set to take off at 9:45pm
I did miss my flight home from Detroit. The airlines re booked my flight. I was shuttled to a hotel for the night, given a voucher for a dinner,and money off on my next flight. But the idea is, I did not make it home last night. The damage is done. Karma bit me in the butt. The ride crashed. Or should I say..That’s when my ride started.
So. I call home and tell them the sad news. I am already upset. My ex is at home with my daughter and he curses. Sure, like I planned all this, tells me how can you do this to me? Yes dear..Me and Delta had this all planned out to really stab you and hurt you good. What kind of fool are you? Well, I guess I shouldn't’t have said that, because next I know he sends a picture of my daughter in bed with a caption of what kind of Mother are you quoting “bad mother bad mother” she needs you here not in Detroit..talk about stabbing me in the heart. I don’t think you should ever do that to a mother who is a few thousand miles away from her daughter, that’s a sin. I hit that brick wall hard. But I am still in one piece. That is til I hear from my best friend, the one I went to Vegas to see. He informs me my ex calls him on the phone and tells him all kind of “Uglies” about me, none of which are true, but nonetheless designed to hurt me yet again and the relationship I have with my friend.
I grasp that rail for dear life, as that ride felt like it was going over 100 mph, I can feel the wind pushing against me and I feel a scream lodged in my throat. I know I am going to crash, I can feel this. I am over thousands of miles from home, I have no defenses here to fight him with. I am trapped on this ride. I try to be rational, but how do you be rational when you are dealing with an irrational psycho? Ok..But I will try. I tell myself. I call home. He doesn’t answer, figures. I try again and again. Finally I get through on his cell phone. He insolently tells me, “Why didn’t you call the home number?” Yes..Told you he is an irrational psycho..I did call the home number I tell him, but I kept getting the machine..Why don’t you pick up? “Oh, Ha Ha, I turned off all the ringers, I guess I need to turn them back on since you are coming home now don’t I?” I mutter to myself, “Idiot”
So, We get into this conversation as to why he goes and does what he did tonight. “Oh that..I wanted to hurt you. Did it work?“ Oh what an Idiot. I think to myself remind me what I saw in him 17 years ago when I started to date him, because I must have been stupid or totally desperate! He is drinking, as usual, and he felt he could “Hurt me” because I didn’t come home tonight and that I had a relationship with another man and that I didn’t need him anymore. I am sitting here listening to this psycho and his words are like Blah Blah in my ear after a long day of sitting in airports,airplanes and runways. But this ride has now crashed, I hang up the phone, and try to pick up the million little pieces that have shattered around me hoping that I can put me back together by morning.
I was on my way back from Vegas..It was a personal trip..to figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life..and I did just that..I made my plans..I knew by the end of my 7 days…that I was going to take the steps to start my new life..but that is another story in itself….I was on my way home..I was at the airport..and we sat on the runway..waiting for a flight to take off..we sat and waited..of course..it did not take off when it was supposed to. I should have known that would be an omen of things to come…
So, After sitting on the runway when the flight was supposed to take off at 1:55pm, we finally took off at 2:30pm. It was a very full plane and I was in the back of the plane. I was in a row with a woman that was very anxious and panicked with every bump of turbulence. I kept thinking, Please God grant me patience on this 3 hr and 18 min flight as I will probably develop an anxiety disorder by the time the flight is over.
Well, 30 minutes into the flight, one of the female passengers several rows ahead of me took ill and went down in the aisle, prompting us to start medical treatment on board, this continued the entire flight requiring all of the flight attendants to be utilized and a lot of the passengers in that immediate area had to vacate their seats. Thankfully we did have a doctor on board and we were able to get her stabilized and ready for the paramedics who met us at the runway when we landed. This of course held us all up as we could not disembark the plane until they got her off.
We now have a full plane of angry people complaining that they are going to miss their flights and are fighting to get off the plane. Needless to say, our arrival time was not 9:45pm as was supposed to be, but we did not arrive in Detroit until 9:20pm and by the time the paramedics were done I was not able to get off the plane until 9:33pm. My connecting flight home was set to take off at 9:45pm
I did miss my flight home from Detroit. The airlines re booked my flight. I was shuttled to a hotel for the night, given a voucher for a dinner,and money off on my next flight. But the idea is, I did not make it home last night. The damage is done. Karma bit me in the butt. The ride crashed. Or should I say..That’s when my ride started.
So. I call home and tell them the sad news. I am already upset. My ex is at home with my daughter and he curses. Sure, like I planned all this, tells me how can you do this to me? Yes dear..Me and Delta had this all planned out to really stab you and hurt you good. What kind of fool are you? Well, I guess I shouldn't’t have said that, because next I know he sends a picture of my daughter in bed with a caption of what kind of Mother are you quoting “bad mother bad mother” she needs you here not in Detroit..talk about stabbing me in the heart. I don’t think you should ever do that to a mother who is a few thousand miles away from her daughter, that’s a sin. I hit that brick wall hard. But I am still in one piece. That is til I hear from my best friend, the one I went to Vegas to see. He informs me my ex calls him on the phone and tells him all kind of “Uglies” about me, none of which are true, but nonetheless designed to hurt me yet again and the relationship I have with my friend.
I grasp that rail for dear life, as that ride felt like it was going over 100 mph, I can feel the wind pushing against me and I feel a scream lodged in my throat. I know I am going to crash, I can feel this. I am over thousands of miles from home, I have no defenses here to fight him with. I am trapped on this ride. I try to be rational, but how do you be rational when you are dealing with an irrational psycho? Ok..But I will try. I tell myself. I call home. He doesn’t answer, figures. I try again and again. Finally I get through on his cell phone. He insolently tells me, “Why didn’t you call the home number?” Yes..Told you he is an irrational psycho..I did call the home number I tell him, but I kept getting the machine..Why don’t you pick up? “Oh, Ha Ha, I turned off all the ringers, I guess I need to turn them back on since you are coming home now don’t I?” I mutter to myself, “Idiot”
So, We get into this conversation as to why he goes and does what he did tonight. “Oh that..I wanted to hurt you. Did it work?“ Oh what an Idiot. I think to myself remind me what I saw in him 17 years ago when I started to date him, because I must have been stupid or totally desperate! He is drinking, as usual, and he felt he could “Hurt me” because I didn’t come home tonight and that I had a relationship with another man and that I didn’t need him anymore. I am sitting here listening to this psycho and his words are like Blah Blah in my ear after a long day of sitting in airports,airplanes and runways. But this ride has now crashed, I hang up the phone, and try to pick up the million little pieces that have shattered around me hoping that I can put me back together by morning.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Facing Life Again After Divorce
Well... I am now mentally ready to move on and I am sure there are others like me out there.....
So I thought I would just write about how I went about starting over after my relationship ended. Just a little bit about it though.....I met my husband in 1992 and we married in 1999. We separated the first time in 2006 and reconciled in 2007. Unfortunately for me, that did not work and I left with my daughter again in 2008 and started the divorce process. It took me a long time to get out of the relationship becasuse I did not have the strength to become independent or to stand up for myself then. So, remember in order to be able to move on in life after your long term relationship ends and become a new person...you need to follow these rules:
1.Put yourself first
2. Give yourself time to heal
3. Don't be afraid to take chances.Be willing to try new things. You just might like it.....
4. Write a To Do list of goals you want to achieve this time around
5. Give yourself a makeover!!! It really boosts your confidence....
6. Remember to celebrate your achievements...you've earned them
You are now a new independent person facing the world and new its new challenges and you are ready for anything.....
So I thought I would just write about how I went about starting over after my relationship ended. Just a little bit about it though.....I met my husband in 1992 and we married in 1999. We separated the first time in 2006 and reconciled in 2007. Unfortunately for me, that did not work and I left with my daughter again in 2008 and started the divorce process. It took me a long time to get out of the relationship becasuse I did not have the strength to become independent or to stand up for myself then. So, remember in order to be able to move on in life after your long term relationship ends and become a new person...you need to follow these rules:
1.Put yourself first
2. Give yourself time to heal
3. Don't be afraid to take chances.Be willing to try new things. You just might like it.....
4. Write a To Do list of goals you want to achieve this time around
5. Give yourself a makeover!!! It really boosts your confidence....
6. Remember to celebrate your achievements...you've earned them
You are now a new independent person facing the world and new its new challenges and you are ready for anything.....
Do You Think You Can Build Your Own Home Business?
Building a home business is not easy....It will demand a lot of time on your part. You will need to be willing to devote a lot of time to it in the beginning. Most of that time will be to establishing yourself....believe it or not......your Online Presence.....because your product will essentially sell itself.....but you need to get people to see you as respectable and responsible....someone who they want to work with and deal with.....
Then you must want to be willing to devote energy to this endeavor.....Set up a plan....plan the number of hours you will do advertising, retailing, making calls, blogging, and so forth, and all the other stuff that will go with the home business....remember to stick with your plan....
You will have days that feel like you are taking giant leaps backward..but don't worry....if you really stick it out....you will see the prize in the end and the rewards are great.....But remember to really have a great MLM business you have to devote a good 3-5 years into it to see anything back......and the biggest thing to remember is to have a business mindset.....
If you continue to do this....you will achieve that success you so deserve.....and hey...remember to celebrate your achievements and success......because you earned it!!!!!
Then you must want to be willing to devote energy to this endeavor.....Set up a plan....plan the number of hours you will do advertising, retailing, making calls, blogging, and so forth, and all the other stuff that will go with the home business....remember to stick with your plan....
You will have days that feel like you are taking giant leaps backward..but don't worry....if you really stick it out....you will see the prize in the end and the rewards are great.....But remember to really have a great MLM business you have to devote a good 3-5 years into it to see anything back......and the biggest thing to remember is to have a business mindset.....
If you continue to do this....you will achieve that success you so deserve.....and hey...remember to celebrate your achievements and success......because you earned it!!!!!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Setting goals and Your TO DO List
I found that by setting goals or making a TO DO list and writing them down gives you something to look at and puts your goals in focus so that you know what you need to accomplish and what to prioritize.
This works in life as well as in your home business…I have a TO DO list of things I want to accomplish in my life and have achieved some of them with much pleasure…
I also have a list for my home business. This puts your goals in focus of what you want to achieve and when you want to accomplish it.
Four things to remember when making your list:
1. Remember to prioritize
2. Dream Big. Remember nothing is impossible.
3. Keep the list in a place where you can see it every day. The more you look at it the more the positive reinforcement will help bring the goals to reality.
4. Update and re-prioritize your list weekly, monthly or even yearly as your goals in life change.
Finally, Remember to celebrate your accomplishments because you deserve it. You worked hard to get to those goals.
This works in life as well as in your home business…I have a TO DO list of things I want to accomplish in my life and have achieved some of them with much pleasure…
I also have a list for my home business. This puts your goals in focus of what you want to achieve and when you want to accomplish it.
Four things to remember when making your list:
1. Remember to prioritize
2. Dream Big. Remember nothing is impossible.
3. Keep the list in a place where you can see it every day. The more you look at it the more the positive reinforcement will help bring the goals to reality.
4. Update and re-prioritize your list weekly, monthly or even yearly as your goals in life change.
Finally, Remember to celebrate your accomplishments because you deserve it. You worked hard to get to those goals.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Advertising Your Website for Free using a Traffic Exchange
Because it is the start of a new month, I am sitting here working on my advertising budget for the month. If you are like me, and have limited funds for advertising, you are looking at ways to advertise for Free or at least low cost.
I wanted to give you a few ideas to try.
1. Traffic Exchanges: These are run with the idea to give the small business owner a chance to get seen. The following exchanges I use and recommend are run by WAHM's or Work at Home Mom's who are promoting their sites and helping others to promote their sites. They offer free and low cost advertising by way of ad button, banner ads and text ads. You join and agree to surf a minimum amount of sites per week,bi-weekly, monthly depending on the sites rules and in exchange you can place your ad for free for others to see. When joining there are several different options depending on your budget ranging from free to pro accounts which offer different incentives. The following are the traffic exchanges I use.
MomPoweredDreams
This one is fairly new but an awesome site. It is run by a WAHM friend of mine named Shanni who makes it her first priority to help other WAH's to succeed. Just click on the name to be taken to her site.
TheCinnamonHollow
This site is another of my favorites. It is run by a great WAHM by the name of Krystal. She also goes out of her way to help others. She offers a lot of bonus hits and makes it fun to surf. Check her site out.
WAHM-Trade
This site also offers great customer service and its owner is another WAHM who is very helpful. They are bit bigger than the other TE's but still offer that one on one service. Check them out.
FrugalWAHMAdvertising
This site is the newest of all the TE"S (Traffic Exchanges) I use so I can't fully evaluate it at the moment. It is run by 2 WAHM"S and I just started with them but have noticed good customer service as well. Check them out.
Well, these are the ones that I use. Of course there are others out there. Google Traffic Exchanges to find them. A lot of other TE's are larger and geared to different MLM and businesses. The ones listed in this blog are geared at the WAHM's( and I don't want to slight the WAH Dad's and grandparents either) and cater to the small at home business,etsy shops, craft businesses,etc.
Whether you choose one of these TE's or others out there, you can get your banner or ad button with a link to your business website seen by others and get your name out there. And, quite possibly, like myself make a few friends at the exchanges along the way.
(My next blog will cover how to get your ad buttons and banners made)
I wanted to give you a few ideas to try.
1. Traffic Exchanges: These are run with the idea to give the small business owner a chance to get seen. The following exchanges I use and recommend are run by WAHM's or Work at Home Mom's who are promoting their sites and helping others to promote their sites. They offer free and low cost advertising by way of ad button, banner ads and text ads. You join and agree to surf a minimum amount of sites per week,bi-weekly, monthly depending on the sites rules and in exchange you can place your ad for free for others to see. When joining there are several different options depending on your budget ranging from free to pro accounts which offer different incentives. The following are the traffic exchanges I use.
MomPoweredDreams
This one is fairly new but an awesome site. It is run by a WAHM friend of mine named Shanni who makes it her first priority to help other WAH's to succeed. Just click on the name to be taken to her site.
TheCinnamonHollow
This site is another of my favorites. It is run by a great WAHM by the name of Krystal. She also goes out of her way to help others. She offers a lot of bonus hits and makes it fun to surf. Check her site out.
WAHM-Trade
This site also offers great customer service and its owner is another WAHM who is very helpful. They are bit bigger than the other TE's but still offer that one on one service. Check them out.
FrugalWAHMAdvertising
This site is the newest of all the TE"S (Traffic Exchanges) I use so I can't fully evaluate it at the moment. It is run by 2 WAHM"S and I just started with them but have noticed good customer service as well. Check them out.
Well, these are the ones that I use. Of course there are others out there. Google Traffic Exchanges to find them. A lot of other TE's are larger and geared to different MLM and businesses. The ones listed in this blog are geared at the WAHM's( and I don't want to slight the WAH Dad's and grandparents either) and cater to the small at home business,etsy shops, craft businesses,etc.
Whether you choose one of these TE's or others out there, you can get your banner or ad button with a link to your business website seen by others and get your name out there. And, quite possibly, like myself make a few friends at the exchanges along the way.
(My next blog will cover how to get your ad buttons and banners made)
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Starting Your Home Business is like Dance
I took my daughter to dance class today. I had a few hours to kill so I started to think about comparing starting your home business to starting a dance class. Take a few minutes and go on this journey with me.
You start your journey by researching dance and finding out what type of dance interests you. You check out the local dance studios to find the one that feels right for you. You sign up for that dance class and get excited as you purchase your equipment and supplies. Anxiety builds as you wait for that class because you are excited and eager to learn something new but you are also nervous and scared. You don’t know what to expect.
You arrive at the studio for your first class. You meet the instructor and everyone introduces themselves. You are now networking. You are meeting people with similar interests. They are getting to know you and vice verse. You find that you want to partner with them and you are reaching out past your comfort level.
Each week you attend class and practice your techniques. You are learning something new and you gain a new confidence with each step. You are now feeling good about yourself.
Before you know it you become an expert. You are projecting yourself with grace and poise. You project a confidence and knowledge to others and this positive attitude draws others to you.
You’ve accomplished something you never thought was possible. You can now coach others to be able to do the same thing. You are able to build your team.
Does this sound like your business?
You start your journey by researching dance and finding out what type of dance interests you. You check out the local dance studios to find the one that feels right for you. You sign up for that dance class and get excited as you purchase your equipment and supplies. Anxiety builds as you wait for that class because you are excited and eager to learn something new but you are also nervous and scared. You don’t know what to expect.
You arrive at the studio for your first class. You meet the instructor and everyone introduces themselves. You are now networking. You are meeting people with similar interests. They are getting to know you and vice verse. You find that you want to partner with them and you are reaching out past your comfort level.
Each week you attend class and practice your techniques. You are learning something new and you gain a new confidence with each step. You are now feeling good about yourself.
Before you know it you become an expert. You are projecting yourself with grace and poise. You project a confidence and knowledge to others and this positive attitude draws others to you.
You’ve accomplished something you never thought was possible. You can now coach others to be able to do the same thing. You are able to build your team.
Does this sound like your business?
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