Being a woman that has come from two failed marriages, I can speak about my experience and how I perceive why people stay in bad relationships. As always, this is subjective and not an objective area as there are no models to show proof. Each person has their own opinions and views.
My first marriage I entered into as a teenager, fresh out of nursing school, still learning, and not knowing any better. I was in that relationship because I was young and naïve. I grew up in an Irish Catholic home, sheltered country life, being raised by two very devote parents. I was not around a lot of society functions so to speak to see how all this works. As my mother puts it, “You were not schooled in the ways of the World”. But as for my husband, Of course I loved him. That’s one of the reasons I stayed. But I also did not know any better. I was raised in the Old fashioned ways. I was taught that you get married for life, for better or worse. You deal with what hand you are dealt. So, I stayed with him. I dealt with his abuse and tried to work through it. I left at one point and moved home with my parents. He promised never to hurt me again, told me he loved me, swore he would change. Because I loved him, I believed all the lies and went back to him. It started all over again, a vicious cycle. This finally ended when I had a phone cord wrapped around my neck and glass shattered over my body. Something finally clicked in my head that day. And I did leave him. I got that divorce.
My second marriage started as a friendship. It started out well, as I had more experience now from my past mistake. We dated back and forth for a while, that being 6 years before he asked me to marry him. I mean, the relationship had its ups and downs, like every relationship. You have disagreements over little things like what to watch on TV or what to make for dinner.
Things didn’t start going sour until we were married. Again, I loved him. But this time I was not young or naïve. But we have a child involved in this marriage. And again, I always put my daughter first. Not wanting her to be without a mom and dad, as I grew up with both my parents for my entire childhood, I felt like I would be an ogre to deprive her.
It was unbearable. I did the best I could and even tried to leave. I actually separated from him 3 times before we finally got divorced. Each time he would tell me the same thing. I’m sorry. Come home, I love you, things will be different , How can you do this to our daughter and make her live in a home without both parents. You can get the picture here?? I got a major guilt trip placed on me and I felt like a major failure as a mother and a wife if I left and filed for a divorce. I had to come to terms with those feelings he left me with in order to move on and leave that bad relationship.
I am now divorced. I am in a better place mentally and emotionally because of this. My daughter is doing just fine with two parents who have separate lives but who love her dearly. And perhaps I have learned to avoid getting into another bad relationship again. But if it should happen, I hope I have learned enough through my past mistakes and experience to run from it faster this time.
